Sunday, January 22, 2012

Emily Dickinson Promise of Youth

Emily Dickinson - poet - In this photograph we can see the beautiful promise of youth, yet life was to bring her many trials and hardships.
Today I am working on a new plan for the rest of my life. Yes at times we have to step back and do some serious thinking about what we really want to do with the precious years we have left on this earth. Like Mom used to say, there is no promise of a tomorrow and the older we get the more we realise it. The sad thing is that for many of us in midlife, we think that new possibilities are few and far between. What a waste.. midlife is an exciting new adventure waiting to happen. Yes we feel more tired and have accumulated a truckload of rough hits and losses but damn, we have gained so much wisdom that it is a shame to keep it tucked away inside our fear filled and aching body.
Words of wisdom for today......

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen."

Friday, January 20, 2012

William Butler Yeats An Education

Education is not the filling of a pail,but the lighting of a fire. William Butler Yeats

In a period of change it seems that we become much more aware of everything that is going on around us. We look at our situations objectively and know that we have to understand things clearly. We search for answers and seek information. That is why the self help writers are making a fortune these days. People are struggling to deal with a fast moving world that is filled with too much stress, too many obligations which lead to more stress, health problems and far too many social isssues that we can ever hope to over come as a society.

In times of change we tend to pick up a book seeking to find a ray of hope from the author; so that they will tell us how to get through whatever challenge we are facing.The more we read, the more we find those answers and the further we move along in our quest to reach our chosen destination. Along the way we become stronger and yes in the end we do change... I hope!!!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Jane Austen What is right?

What is right to be done cannot be done too soon.
I wonder what Jane meant when she wrote this?
Well I will take it to mean that at some point we just know what has to be done.At some point in our story, we have to make a decision about what we know in our heart, to be the best decision for our well being. We have to let go of the control, lose the toxic security and face the storm.
I am in that storm and the next two weeks will be unsettling and very difficult. It is one of the unwritten laws of nature.... make a change and the wild winds will blow and shake you to your core, demanding that you shed your old self and create a new you. Look at the life cycle of the butterfly. It must break through and fight its way towards freedom and fly beautifully towards a new life.
May I find the strength of that butterfly!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Rudyard Kipling

Rudyard Kipling 1865 -1936
Yesterday I heard some very disturbing information at work. Disbelief would be the only way to describe it. It is at times like this that I am grateful that I learned how to knit as a child. The repetitive movement of the knitting needles seem to soothe the hurt and allow me to think things over in a calmer state of mind.
Life is not easy and no matter how old we get, we continue to be amazed at the ignorance of human nature and their need for power and control. It takes a weak man to use his ego to bring down others, especially a female who goes against the control.
Ahhh such is life and there has to be reasons for it. The lesson here is to remain calm, remain solid when attacked with untruths and live through it with kindness and the knowledge that they are to be more pitied than to waste your anger on them. This too shall come to pass as my Mom used to say.
Please read this poem which is hanging on the wall here in my office written by Rudyard Kipling. On days like today, I read it to remind myself how I have lived though so many events in my life and today the words are very fitting.......

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream and not make dreams your master;
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'
Or walk with Kings nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it
And which is more you'll be a Man, my son!

Friday, January 13, 2012

We cannot change people ......

Today I am working on a heavy report that will definitely change my direction at work, in fact it may be the final chapter after 12 years of trying to make something work. I have tried so hard to find solutions and I have sacrificed my health, relationships and even worked on a volunteer bases for years because there was no funding to pay me. I think that I have reached the point where I have no choice but to search outside of my work place and I have faith that something positive will come from it though so I do not see it as a negative. By chance I just found this site in an email message, funny how it just happened to appear and is telling me exactly what I need to know... life is full of wonder and if we seek we shall find... So I will pass on the message and this quote that I found in the email......
"We cannot alter external things, nor shape other people to our liking, nor mold the world to our wishes but we can alter internal things, our desires, passions, thoughts, we can shape our liking to other people and we can mold the inner world of our own mind in accordance with wisdom, and so reconcile it to the outer world of men and things"
James Allen
Just click below to get your Free Copy of Above Life's Turmoil,by James
Allen from Christopher Westra's website
You can find more information about this by checking out his site.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Go in the Direction that makes your Heart Sing

Maybe I really do have to walk away to start again..... ?
Before getting ready to work on the strategic plan for work this morning, I decided to check my email and found this quote " Go in the direction of whatever makes your heart sing and let God work out the details"
No matter how hard I try to hold on to what I am expected to do and how much I worry about being able to pay the bills if I do decide to make a career change, I have to believe that things will work out. Fear has me constantly searching for signs to lead me in the right direction and see things clearer. This little message was certainly a powerful one. To read more about it follow this link to Cynthia's blog.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Working the Imagination

This is how we should all spend our days, laying on a soft bed, taking in the sun. Ditz doesn't have a care in the world it seems... life is good!
Another day about to end and I think I will go to bed with a good book and read myself to sleep. I spent the day working on a strategic plan for work and I think I really made some positive decisions on how to solve some of the problems at work.
Yet deep inside, I know that it will be a real uphill battle to implement the changes, for humans hate changes for the most part. Last year when I tried to make a few changes I took a lot of flack for it and this year will be even worst for the changes are even bigger. I am already feeling the pressure.
The question here is what changes am I going to make for myself ? It all comes down to my financial security because if I won the lottery, I definitely know what I would do. I just heard that a friend who had battled cancer last year and thought she beat it, got bad news, the cancer is back. We all thought she had beaten it and that she was safe, but now that it is back so soon, it does not look good. She may not have a chance to make changes. I do but will I?
Words of wisdom for today:
My Mom used to say " Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today"

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

When to call it Quits

Yes Ditz loves the computer and I do believe wants to write her book as well!

Quote for the day....
The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
I just found this quote in an email and I believe it is another little sign for me to say, " Enough" I certainly feel that I am in a hole and have been for years, I keep digging but I am just dragging myself further and further down. When I take the time to look up, I realise that I am just getting more and more tired and I am not getting anywhere. If I do not make changes, I am wasting my time.
I think that there are many others like me out there digging themselves further into whatever situation they find themselves in. Why do we allow ourselves to do this? Is it because old habits die hard? Are we afraid of change? Are we stuck in the past? Are we financially dependant on the position we are in right now, like a job that is sucking the life out of us? Do we feel others will look badly on our decision?
Well here's to hoping that we can all make the changes that we have to in 2012. Lets stop all that digging and get out of that hole that we have chosen. There is another way to live a better life!

Monday, January 9, 2012

A Radio Interview

Never let yesterday's disapointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams........
You never know what awaits you when a day begins. Today I woke up planning to do a lot at work. I had an early meeting about a new direction for the Museum and so my head was focused on convincing the government and myself that we should go ahead with the big project that I conjured up last fall. The discussion went well and ended on a positive note with me having to do a lot more paperwork of course. One distractuon lead to another and my day slipped away as they usually do without getting many things crossed off my to do list.
Then late this afternoon I had a call from the CBC for an interview about my neighbour husband who was murdered on December 26th in Grenada. I have been following this story since it first happened and have loss sleep over it wondering about my neighbour and how she is doing. Today was her husbands funeral and an international media is covering the story. How they found me for an interview is strange and to listen to myself on the interview is even stranger for I have been the one searching s for links online ever since it happened. All this to say we can never know what a day will bring. Also we should count ourselves lucky to have ordinary problems and not be in a situation like this woman.
I have added the link below if you want to listen to it. It all seems too crazy to be true.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Knitting and Thinking about Life

My latest creation which I added to my Etsy shop.
Today I spent some time organizing my knitting room. I have to admit it was rather messy. I spend a lot of time in here and things tend to be left laying around for it is a no stress zone, until I decide that I have no room left on my desk for a cup of tea. I know then it is time to pick up my odds and ends of yarn and sort them for future use.
I call this a no stress zone because it is here that I find time for myself away from all life's responsabilities. I do alot of thinking in this little space, searching for solutions as to how I could find a way to live a more simple life, with time to do the things that I want to. This year I am focusing on writing my book and so I sit here knitting away writing the story in my head... it is so easy as the story unfolds like a movie in my mind.
Unfortunately I have to get it typed up and that takes much longer. I need weeks of peace and quiet to transfer my thoughts to paper. I need to find a way to have that time and that is what this blog is all about... .. having the financial means to write my book in 2012, while still paying the bills.
Words of wisdom for today....
Change is the law of life and those who only look to the past or present are certain to miss the future, John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Knitting Addiction

I do believe that I have a knitting addiction. I know that I could spend hours knitting away my time creating slippers, hats, scarves cats and so much more. I was just looking at the Knitpicks site again at all their beautiful hanks of wool. I added more balls to my shopping cart and then when I looked at the price of it all I carefully closed it down. I feel like I am a kid playing with a big bunch of wax crayons, akways trying to mix the colours and seeing what I come up with. Unfortunately it is a costly habit and I have to say that I think my wool stash is out of control. Yet I tell myself that I do not have any other addictive bad habits, no I do not smoke, drink nor gamble etc, so what is a few more balls of yellow wool. I will most definitely be knitting something with it....

Friday, January 6, 2012

The Importance of a Life Vision

Just a short post today as I am really late writing this one. I just got home a little while ago after a busy day at work and then some shopping errands, supper with Pierre and a visit from my sister and a long Skype call with my daughter.
Today I thought a lot about the importance of having a vision for our lives. So many of us move though life just going from one thing to the other without knowing exactly what we should expect for ourselves. Just imagine if we knew exactly what we wanted and could see ourselves living that life. So many books have been written about visualizing ourselves in our dream life. We all read the SECRET and yes it did give us a certain hope that we could create a better life if we would only believe it could happen. Yet we also learned that it takes more than just wishful thinking to get to where we want to be.
We must have a real life vision.... a clearly defined destination and a roadmap that will allow us to weave our way though thick maze of a complicated jungle called life. The only way we are going to get through all the obstacles, hurts, disappointments, losses and failures, is to be able to clealy see our vision through it all and keep working towards it.
This is my focus for I have my life vision clearly defined at this point in my life. I will get that book written, I will not let myself leave this earth with my stories untold.
Words of wisdom for today and I cannot remember who wrote it...
Birds live their life in the air
Fish live their life in the water
Worms live their life in the earth
We humans live our life in the mind.... lets make sure that we keep that mind healthy and full of positive fertile possibilities.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Today's Lesson

This is the way I would love to spend my winter's days......yes that is me in the red coat!

I went to work today, the first day back of the new year. By the time it was over, I realised that the job itself is still the same but I have changed in many ways.
My desk was still cluttered with files waiting to be processed. I was still waiting for promised funding to come in and I had the same type of phone call trying to bring in other funding that was supposed to help me run the non profit organization. Yet no one in the government office seems to know where the money is.... yet it was also promised in a news release by the Minister.
I found myself back into the craziness of a job that will never change for it depends on politics and promises that I have to fight for on a yearly basis. I never know how I am going to pay the summer staff nor how I am going to operate a cultural tourism institution with out any money. Then I have to go begging to try and bring in enough to get through another year without any help from anyone.On top of it all I am alone to fill in all requests, do the paperwork, manage and build the exhibitions, do the marketing, manage the small staff, answer the phone and be an all around nice person all the time and take the flack for every problem that arises? A crazy way to earn a living for sure. Yet I do love much of what I do and I do believe that the institution has great potential but I can no longer work in the same way.
Yes I learned a real lesson today and its that the only way things will change, is if I change and this is what this blog is all about this year. Me, changing the direction of my life for my own well being. I can stay exactly where I have been for the last 12 years and struggle through the frustration or I can make a change towards a new possibility.... time will tell. Change means breaking a life pattern... ouch!
Words of wisdom for today.........................
Every act of creation begins with an act of destruction.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Quit your Day Job

Looking out my kitchen window on this winter morning and wondering about my future....
Okay here it is Wednesday morning and my mind is working overtime. I am doing a lot of thinking and working through different possibilities to focus on in my business plan. Basically we all have to make a living and to do that we have to work so that we can afford to pay our bills. So why would anyone want to take a risk and quit a job when the economy seems to be in such trouble. Is it just being crazy to even consider walking away from the one thing ( my day job) that keeps it all going?
Have I finally gone bonkers, off the deep end, around the bend etc. Maybe and maybe not? This is not a new idea that I just came up with out of boredom. I have thought seriously about it for years, in fact I always wanted to work for myself. I used to see myself working in my little craft room and having Mom come over and visit. I missed out on that for she passed away in 2006. Yes it seems it has been since forever that I wanted to work at something that would allow me to use my creative side.Yet fear of poverty has kept me working just where I am . My day job is certainly not boring. Actually it keeps me wide awake at night and I do like many aspects of it but the stress of it, is not doing me any good. So at 55 years old, I want to find an easier way to live the rest of my life. I also know that I was born to be a writer and my day job will not allow me the head space to write without interruptions of the stressful kind.
So I am at a crossroads in life. I want to write and yes knit and paint and sew and be that silly little girl who buys too many books, wool, and fabric. I am lucky for I think I am in good health, except the worry about what to do with the rest of my life, is exhausting me and has for years. I have been fortunate to remain very young at heart and I do forget that I am supposed to be a serious grownup at this point in life. I have accumulated my share of hard times, believe me, yet like my mother, I have been able to get through it and see the good side of life.
Okay well back to work and let's see what this year will bring? Will I actually be able to "Quit my day job". Join me on this venture for I am sure many of you are searching for the same thing!
Just a note in passing, spread some kindness today, especially to those suffering from the cold temperatures and that includes our four legged friends.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Business Plan

Just a short post today as I am really busy working on my "business plan". I thought about it all last night and today I want to get some of it written down in some sort of order. I have a book called Write it down Make it happen by Anne Klauser. You can find it on Amazon or Chapters book site. In her book she basically says that to get somewhere you have to be clear about your thoughts. Writing it down helps us figure that out. If you are looking for direction, check out her book.
The picture that I have added today is a stitchery that I made a few years ago. It was a very difficult time in my life and I remember staying up until, I think it was one in the morning, working on this. It became my focus and I hung it on the wall in front of my door entrance, so that each time I entered the house I would see it and it would remind me that anything is possible. It still hangs in the same place and yes I still look at it everyday. I hope that it will inspire you as well.
Okay well I have work to do , so stay tuned for my next posting. Together we have to make miracles happen in 2012!

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Power of Focus in 2012

This is where I will build my shop, right next to the wishing well in my back yard! The house in the background is the house I grew up in and now belongs to my sister Carol. How lucky I am to be living on Daddy's property. My parents are both gone now but I still feel a strong connection to them living here.

Okay so the New Year has begun and now it is time to get to work. No more excuses, no more time to waste. It is time for action. But where to begin with so many ideas and plans and wishes and dreams? How do I zero in on what I want to do and what is the best direction for this experiment. As I sit here at my desk in my messy little office, I realise that I have to "FOCUS". Nothing is going to work unless I get rid of the clutter, evaluate the situation realistically and move forward with a plan. This is not easy to do and I am going to have to move out of my comfort zone and face my fears. Focus is a very difficult thing to do, believe me.
So here is the plan for now...
1. Get rid of some clutter.. out with the old, make place for the new.
2. Write down my objectives and what I want to accomplish in 2012.
3. Finish anything that is really important that I did not finish in 2011 so that it no longer weighs me down.
4. Make a list of what I really need to obtain my objectives.
5. Write a new mantra in my journal and repeat it over and over again.
6. Organise the creative space that I have now to ease my way of working.
7. Get outside for some fresh air and exercise to think things over everyday.
My Mantra for 2012
This is a new beginning and I will find a way to write my book. I will find a way to build a small addition on my house so that I will have an organised place to work and be creative. I will learn to live a simplier existance and will overcome my fear and follow my heart's desire. I will find a way to earn a living through this experience!
Okay that's it for today, I have work to do!!!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year's from the Inn

Here I am on my 55th birthday on June 26th, 2011. I am the one with the dark hair sitting beside my sister Marlene and her husband Charles at my sister Carol's.
Happy New Year Everyone! Today is the day that we are all supposed to be making our new resolutions for 2012. I have my new journal and am filling it it with thoughts, plans and dreams. I do it every year and at the beginning of each new year I look back and see what I have accomplished. Some things get done, mostly the necessities but the dreams seem to always take second place and I never find the time. Is it an excuse? Is it my fear of failure? I know I am not alone because most dreams take a back bench to real life.... how sad isn't it?
We have real bills to pay, real obligations to deal with and we have to live a serious life.... right? The conclusion that I am now dealing with is, why can we not live both.. our dreams and our real life. Why do we always have to choose the serious heavy path filled with serious obligations that we have somehow created? How come we cannot seem to blend the both together for a happier, healthier, better quality of life? Are we too programmed by this modern busy life, to only follow the straight and narrow path that we all fail to do in one way or another. Oh yes we trudge off to work each day despite our hidden dreams because we have to somehow keep control of that overflowing serious life that we have built. We do not want to find ourselves living on the street because what would friends, family and neighbours think of us. That alone instills enough fear to keep us setting the alarm clock each morning for the rest of our lives. But does it really make sense?
Yes we can read a hundred books on the subject of how to change, how to overcome, how to wish ourselves to success, but in the end it all has to do with that little speck of energy that we call ourselves. No one can make us do anything until we decide to find the courage, plan the dream, fight the fear and move ahead.
Here is a wise little quote for the day from Neale Donald Walsh...
There is a little light which cannot be extinguished. It is inside of you. It is you!
And I have learned through the years, that that little light cannot be silenced.... no matter what, the "flame" remains despite our best attempt to live that serious life that society has determined for us.
This year I am going to try everything in my power to change my life and let my little flame glow and in doing so, I will hopefully pass it on to others. Imagine the possibilities if we all follow our light.
Have a great year everyone, may we all have a million reasons to smile in the year ahead.