Saturday, December 31, 2011

A New Year's Wish

This is Louise a woman of substance, a role model for all of us women, a woman I have promised to give a voice too, for she like so most of us, lived a life of doing what was expected , yet what a life she lived in her golden cage. She is one of my projects for the year ahead, to write her story........ I need your help!

On this last day of the year I, like millions of others I am sure, is caught between thoughts of the passed year and the new year that awaits all of us. We give thanks for overcoming the challenges of 2011 and for all the good things that came our way. We also dream and make our wishes for the year ahead, filled with hope and possibilities.
I am certainly on a mission to make 2012 a year filled with a new direction. Yes I will dream big and it will take every bit of courage and strength that I have, to get to where I want to be next year at this time. In the year ahead I intend to live according to my terms. To do that, I will have to work hard, really focus, stay healthy, positive and find a way to support myself financially while doing it. I will have to design the life that I was intended to live and overcome the fears that have held me back. The troubling thoughts that have always made things more difficult for me was that I was a very different creative little soul and that somehow it was not the right way to be and was not well looked upon. Somehow thoughout my life, I was made to feel that it was not the right way to live a serious life and so I kept it well hidden until I hit middle age and even now I push it back most of the time. I always knew though, that there would come a day, despite my determined attempts to live what was seen as a "normal" life, where I would have to take a step forward and do what I wanted and hope for the best.
Therefore I will use the serious side of my character and develop a realistic plan for my BIG DREAM and then work towards it. I must not let anything get in my way. Yes I know that life rarely goes according to the best laid out plans but I have to be willing to overcome whatever life puts before me. I have to keep working towards my possibly ridiculous and unrealistic goals and dreams through this experiment I have set myself up for in the New Year.
To accomplish this I need the help of a community for no one can do something like this alone.
Have a great New Year's Eve....take time to count your blessings and plan your year ahead. Don't be afraid to go for your dreams as well for tomorrow is the start of a new beginning for all of us!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Time to Get Organised on December 30th

My Mother, who was my best friend and will continue to be my inspiration on this life changing experiment journey.........
Well the New Year is almost here and it is time for me to get organised. There are only two more days left in 2011 and I am feeling the rush to get myself organised. I cannot put it off any longer if I am going to succeed with my plans for 2012.
Yes, on a day like today many people are going to be thinking about making their New Year's resolutions, knowing inside that they will probably fail by January 15th because the reality of life stopped them, any exxcuse is a good one.
I have to do better than that, I have to succeed, although I am not exactly sure of how I am going to do this, only that I want to achieve results.
Now you may be asking me what it is I want... good question on your part but a difficult one for me to answer. I guess by this time next year, I want to be able to say that I am living my life on my own terms. I want to be living a much more simplified version of my life with out the heaviness of stress and using my time to do the things I want to do. Life goes by so fast that by midlife, we realise that time can run out. Mom use to say,"there is no guarantee of tomorow, so make the best of today" .
I do not know if it is possible, but I am certainly going to try. I see myself with a bigger space in which to work because right now I am living in a somewhat cluttered existance. It would not be so bad but I have so much stuff that I intend to use on this journey towards successfully completing my experiment. I will explain more about that on another day. I also see myself finally writing that book that I have spent my whole life waiting to write. I have two on the go right now, one based on a real woman and one a woman based on many of the women that influenced my life. Both books are pulling at me to work on them and give them a voice. Yet my day job with all its stress consumes all of my time.
Therefore this experiment is about finding time, it is about making choices, it is about overcoming obstacles that will stand in my way. One of the lessons that I have learned very well is that when you decide to make changes in your life, unexpected problems will appear... it is one of those natural laws of nature, much like the law of gravity.
One of the first things I have to do is learn how to use this blog and design it so that it will work for me and be inviting for you to come back to visit. Please have patience with me and I will work at it.
Okay now I am off to get some housework done and wake my daughter who leaves to go back to University today. I am feeling that sadness of missing her already and yet I know we cannot hold on to anything in life for it is constantly changing and we must go along and accept the changes with expectation and all of life's possibilities.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Woke up in the Night and did some Thinking

Here it is December 29th and it is a cold windy day here in the Gaspe. I had planned on taking my daughter shopping today but it looks like we will be house bound again. That's okay as I am sure we will find lots to do.

Last night I woke up thinking of my experiment project for 2012. I went over many of the details of it and know that I need to get my ideas down on paper if I am ever going to get it started. It will mean big changes for me and I wonder if I will actually be able to carry it through. I plan on writing the details and progress of this experiment thoughout 2012 on this blog. It will be exciting and this will be the place that I will keep a daily journal of my activities. I will in fact be my own experiment, scary to think of it...

I hope that you will follow along as I am sure that many parts of it will reflect your dreams as well.

By the way here is a quote to think about until tomorrow...............

Inspiration is that strange voice that takes man out of himself to be everything he is, everything he desires, another body, another being. Beyond outside of me , in the green and gold thicket, among the tremulous branches, sings the unknown, it call to me....

Octavio Paz

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Rainy December Day to make Decisions

It is raining outside this morning, strange weather for the 28th of December. This is a stay at home day and I plan on spending it with my daughter who is home from University. She is an amazing young woman ... yes I know you would think that I am saying that just because I am her mother, but no, it is because she is just so full of possibilities. She is so much like me, yet so much more. She reminds me of my mother in so many ways and we laugh about it. Imagine a 23 year old going out and buying greeting cards on sale? Well that is exactly what my mother used to do and I remember watching her show me all the cards that she would buy for upcoming situations.
Well when Erin came home yesterday with a stack of cards of her own and showed them to me with such pleasure that it took me back to my Mom who I still miss so much even after 5 years. In fact I decided to give her Mom's treasured card box that she used to keep all her cards in. I have given it to her so long ago and after she died, I picked it up and kept it as a way to remember her thoughtfulness. She loved to send cards to anyone who was sick, was having a birthday, or was having a baby etc. I hated to part with the box that still held many of Mommy’s cards but I knew she would smile if she seen Erin adding more of her own cards to the old supply. How lucky I am to have such a connection to the two women in the world I love the most.
Today Erin and I planned a day of crafting together. We will be painting mixed media, knitting and watching movies. We are so much alike. She says I created a monster as she knits and takes such pleasure in doing the things that I love to do. The picture above was taken when she decided to organize my wool stash.
Yes it is a snuggle in day but it is also a day for me to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. Serious stuff as I wonder about the direction that I want to take. Heavy decisions are playing over and over in my head whilst I go about my day.
This is not a new situation for I have wanted to move forward with these changes for years now. The sad thing is that the only thing stopping me is my fear of being able to survive financially. Yet if I do not find the courage, I know I will pay dearly for settling like most people. We have so many responsibilities and our instinct for survival is what keeps most of us trapped within our day to day situations. I am going to try and open that door that leads into the unknown and towards the possibilities.... time will tell and I will keep you up to date on how I am doing.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas is Over once Again

Here it is December 27 and the rush of Christmas is over once again. The frantic pace of the last week has lessened. The gifts have been picked up, the leftovers used up and the house has become more relaxed. Thoughts of another year ending makes me think about all that has happen in 2011. As I look back, I feel both a sense of gratitude and a sense of loss. So many years have passed, all in a rush it seems, with never enough time to do the things that are most important to me. My life is always lived in an emergency state of being, aways running, always trying to do so many things and missing out on what is really important. It is crazy and makes no sense anymore.
With the New Year just days away, will I be able to change things? Will I be able to find my way towards a more peaceful way of living. Will I have the courage to change what must be changed, knowing that if I don't, I will be working against time and what really matters to me.
To move away from how I now live, I have come up with a new project that I will focus on the in the year ahead, It is a vision of how I plan to live the rest of my life.... simplified.
I will keep you posted on my future plans through this blog which I plan on writing on a regular basis ..... I promise... yes I must!!!