Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Rainy December Day to make Decisions

It is raining outside this morning, strange weather for the 28th of December. This is a stay at home day and I plan on spending it with my daughter who is home from University. She is an amazing young woman ... yes I know you would think that I am saying that just because I am her mother, but no, it is because she is just so full of possibilities. She is so much like me, yet so much more. She reminds me of my mother in so many ways and we laugh about it. Imagine a 23 year old going out and buying greeting cards on sale? Well that is exactly what my mother used to do and I remember watching her show me all the cards that she would buy for upcoming situations.
Well when Erin came home yesterday with a stack of cards of her own and showed them to me with such pleasure that it took me back to my Mom who I still miss so much even after 5 years. In fact I decided to give her Mom's treasured card box that she used to keep all her cards in. I have given it to her so long ago and after she died, I picked it up and kept it as a way to remember her thoughtfulness. She loved to send cards to anyone who was sick, was having a birthday, or was having a baby etc. I hated to part with the box that still held many of Mommy’s cards but I knew she would smile if she seen Erin adding more of her own cards to the old supply. How lucky I am to have such a connection to the two women in the world I love the most.
Today Erin and I planned a day of crafting together. We will be painting mixed media, knitting and watching movies. We are so much alike. She says I created a monster as she knits and takes such pleasure in doing the things that I love to do. The picture above was taken when she decided to organize my wool stash.
Yes it is a snuggle in day but it is also a day for me to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. Serious stuff as I wonder about the direction that I want to take. Heavy decisions are playing over and over in my head whilst I go about my day.
This is not a new situation for I have wanted to move forward with these changes for years now. The sad thing is that the only thing stopping me is my fear of being able to survive financially. Yet if I do not find the courage, I know I will pay dearly for settling like most people. We have so many responsibilities and our instinct for survival is what keeps most of us trapped within our day to day situations. I am going to try and open that door that leads into the unknown and towards the possibilities.... time will tell and I will keep you up to date on how I am doing.
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