Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Looking for a Miracle

 It's time to move ahead with my life.....
 It's a rainy night here at the Inn. I thought of lighting a fire in my wood stove but didn't as I have not filled my woodbox yet. I will do that on the weekend. Fall is definitely here and I have to get things ready for the colder weather ahead.

Today I received an email that could change my life. It is a wish that I have had since I was thirteen years old.  Last night I picked up my journal for the first time in two weeks and wrote down that I had to organize my life and focus on what was truly important.  I wrote down my dreams and described how I saw myself living in the future. It  is always the same, my vision  of  the world I want to create, where I would live a simple life, earning a living from my writing, having a big heated greenhouse to grow  healthy food, having my animals, visiting my daughter in Montreal, staying at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel,which overlooks the beautiful city of Montreal,  being healthy and fixing up a "scar" from my past. I have carried around the hope to live this way for decades but always said that it would happen " someday"  and never felt any real pressure to do anything about it...... until now.

 I do not understand why I am feeling the urgency to really do something about it at this time when I am more tired than usual, as life in 2012 has been somewhat challenging. This has been a year where I was forced to experience many unforseen and difficult changes that have left me unsettled, uncertain, and in fear.  Life is fragile and I have learned it the hard way.   Maybe all these changes are part of the plan to take me towards my dreams. Maybe I have to get through the obstacle course to see if I am worthy to receive my blessings.... maybe?

 Today I am seeing that nothing happens in life without some effort and courage. We can talk  and whine all we want about something, but unless we  focus and take action, nothing will change. I cannot have wasted a lifetime hoping to find a solution for nothing. I cannot let fear force me to say it is impossible... not this time... not again.

I will keep you posted as to what I am going to do about it... any suggestions will be much appreciated and remember   I am literally trying to "beat the clock"!

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