Monday, January 19, 2009

A New Year to take a step in the right direction

Yes here it is 2009 and with it a chance to begin again. If I look back on my life at the ripe old age of 52, I can see that the one thing that always brought me happiness, was when I was making something. It didn`t matter whether it was knitting, crocheting, sewing, drawing, painting, carving, needlepoint, embroidery, collages, felting, writing etc, I was using my creativity.

Mind you it was not always successful, but I was happy trying. Unfortunately I never took the time to perfect my skills because I always had to put it aside. I had to be realistic. I needed to get up everyday and go to my real job and take on the real responsabilities of turning a house into a home, bring up a child and so forth. I always told myself that there would be time to play with my crafts someday. But the days passed into weeks, months and years and still to this day I do not have time. I am still trying to turn a house into a home, as I seperated and had to begin all over again, this time on my own and it was an old mobile home. But I did learn how to make furniture, tear down walls and renovate on a small budget. It would have been a great television series.

So as this year begins, I find myself in a somewhat stressful situation. I am at a crossroad in life trying to find directions to the best place for me to be. Life is passing and I can feel the wear and tear on my body. Little things like being really tired ( of course I am up at 5:00 a.m. most mornings), a little extra weight ( ten pounds) that creeped up on me and my eyes are kinda saying maybe I need glasses.

When I look at my carreer, I know that despite how much I want the museum to succeed, I cannot do it all alone anymore and without funding I am left with major stress trying to find ways to keep the doors open. I have been there since it opened nine years ago, and I have devoted my life to it which was okay for then but what about now? Is that all there is? Will there ever be a time for me to do what I want to do? I have no benefits and my job requires me to volunteer my time for eights months of the year since there is no money to pay me year round. I do need to work, but is there an easier way?

I do have to earn a living for myself and for my daughter who will finish her three year college program this spring and intends to go on to Unviersity for four more years to become an early childhood educator.But is there a way to find a balance. Can`t I work and have time for myself as well to pursue my creative activties?

Yes 2009 is in front of me and before the year is out I will be faced with many decisions because the only way to make changes in life is to take action and move forward despite the fear that change brings.
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